Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You made out with two different species that night
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
