elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize