he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
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wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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