forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
