I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Alive.
So much puke
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
