I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
