Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
