Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
