What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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