i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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