it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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