I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
