Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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