Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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