My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
