you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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