I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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