He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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