We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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