well he's currently spooning the coffee table
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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