Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
