He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
