Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
