I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
