There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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