i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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