my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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