I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
