I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
