Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
