my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
