this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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