I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
