She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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