if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
