I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I touched a dick in church today
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
