so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
