also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The feeling are messing with the penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize