Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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