I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
whose ass print is on the piano?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
