I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
