i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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