she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
