I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
