I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My liver just had a heart attack.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
