just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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