Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
