I faked an abortion last night.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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