OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
