Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
