So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
