somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
