This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
