We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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