Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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