question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize