Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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