Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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