Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
